


Fatherly Instincts

by booksandboxsets



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x07, Gen, One Shot, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:29:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3372950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandboxsets/pseuds/booksandboxsets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You put that baby in harm's way."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fatherly Instincts

**Author's Note:**

> very short dose of sadness that i haven't read over.

Ian's good with kids, great even. If there's one thing he knows how to do, it's how to look after children. A bunch of younger siblings ensure that.

He was trusted with Debbie and Carl when they were young.

He's trusted with Liam.

He's trusted with Yev... or he wastrusted with Yev. 

 

 _"You put_   _that baby in harm's way."_

 

Ian puts his hands into the pockets of the sweats they gave him to try and ease their shaking, balling them up into fists. He would never break that trust,  _I love Yevgeny,_ he reminds himself. And he would never hurt someone he loves, it's not in his nature. 

He closes his eyes, his breath becoming uneven as he remembers an unfamiliar hand down his trouser's, un-tattooed fingers clasping at his hips. The words ' _don't touch me'_ ringing through his ears.

Loving someone doesn't stop him from hurting them, not any more.

 

_"You put that baby in harm's way."_

 

Ian allows the words to wash over him, something he hadn't done when he first heard them. He hears them now.

The sentence wraps itself around his neck, the syllables weaving themselves together into a rope.  

 

_"He could have died."_

 

He remembers when Mickey told him Fiona had almost killed Liam. He doesn't remember much else about that night, much else about that time, but he remembers that - the image of a small coffin filling up his vision, the feeling of panic that he normally pushed back encasing him. If only for a second. News like that has a way of breaking through almost anything. 

 

_"He could have died."_

 

He remembers later on, watching his older sister and being unable to imagine her guilt. Being unable to comprehend the amount of shame that would come with endangering someone you swore to protect.

 

_"He. Could. Have. Died."_

 

 His hands come out of his pockets, his head now dropping into them. He chokes back a sob.

 

_"Could have died. Died. Died. Died. Died. Died."_

 

He rocks back and forth as the word repeats itself over and over, hitting him harder each time, the implication of it finally seeping through with every punch. The reality of what he had done was catching up to him, it's meaning making itself clear, like a sunbeam breaking through an array of clouds, except far less beautiful.

Because of him, they had almost lost the one innocent thing left. Because of him, Yevgeny could have  _died._

He doesn't have to imagine Fiona's guilt now. A barely audible apology slips out of his lips, nobody is there to hear it, but it helps.

Ian tests out another word, also saying it out loud.

"Bipolar." 


End file.
